October 29th,2011

Today it started to snow and it was crazy...it wasnt beautiful snow. It was more like, "yucky" snow because it was raining so everything was all slushy.

Driving was scary. I had to go to Barns and Nobles (like always) to get Alex's laptop to do my project. I also had to give Andy back his charger.

Basically, 2 days ago, Andy asks me back for his camera that he got me for my birthday.

Now, when we broke up, i specifically asked him if he wanted it back and he said "no, its YOUR birthday gift and i will never ask for it back."

Well he did. so i gave it to him yesterday, along with his shirt that i still had. Unfortunately i forgot to bring the charger. So today, i told him to meet me up at B&N and pick it up. He looked so different...not in a bad way. I told monika this, and she said that Alex looks much better! hahah

but anyways yesterday we filmed the launching of our physics project and then we went to 6flags! it was ok..i didnt really want to go because Alex couldnt go...and because i have so much shit for school....

i did have fun with monika and vicky tho :3 i went on El Toro for the first time...it was scary :{

anyways im working on my project right now. i have to edit the video...

im so grateful i have Alex :] hes so amazing! He helped me so much today and im so thankful

anyways i cant procrastinate any longer. i gotta work !

October 27th, 2011

So today i went to Barn's and Noble after school with monika. Alex and Isaac were there studying, then Isaac left and it was just Alex, Monika and me. He said he would help me with my physics project :]] hes such a sweet heart. i dont know what i would do with out him..

I cant believe its friday tomorrow ! im going to freight fest with monika, vicky, and Alex! im so excited ! not really ROFL i hope Alex's friend can go so he wouldnt be the only guy :3 but we'll see. I dont think a lot of them are gonna come since SATs are next week !

Anywayss i have to film my project tomorrow ;[ im so sleepy

Wait just kidding... Andy just messaged me asking to give his camera back...that he gave me for my birthday...

thats shady...well its whatever. he can have it back. i wish he didnt have to ask for it tomorrow...i kinda need it to shoot the last part of my project...

anyways. i asked if he wanted it back when we broke up. rofl he must really hate me.

HAHA but its watever. he paid for it, so he should have it back.

I'll get a job and pay for my own stuff :]

October 26th,2011

Today was our last day of tennis and we went to Hopewell valley for our last match. We lost, but thats ok. haha i didnt play today because i havent been going to practice... i've been getting help for my homework and doing my physics project...i really have to raise my grades...i dont want to repeat last year where i just slack off but it feels like i've been sleeping in class more than ever. I always fall asleep during english, history, math, and anatomy...and those are the most important classes. those are the classes where i need to raise my grades.. and phyics...

I dont know why im always this tired...i feel so drained out...I've realized that trying to stay awake in class is the hardest struggle..

After friday, im going to study extra hard for my math test ! i need to get a good grade. It all depends on this test. i have to do really good.

I feel like, my mind has been everywhere lately.. mostly on "Alex"...I cant help but fantasize about our future... i hate thinking/talking about the future because i love to see what God will plan for me. God will never give me a task that's impossible to preform. Everything happens for a reason.

I feel like i've been too attached to him.. i feel like my world revolves around him now.

I've had this feeling before..but this time, its different.

I really want us to be serious. Im so proud that he and Isaac are gonna stop smoking. I couldnt be more happy for Alex. Im just afraid that he will go back to it because he feels like he needs it...

hopefully his friends can get him through it. Although i dont have respect for smokers, and even though i hate them...i feel everyone deserves a second chance. no matter what.

I hope he and his friend will succeed and quit for good. If not, idk how I'm going to go out with him.

Dont get me wrong, i love him with all my heart, but i still have to stick to my morals.

I told myself, i will NEVER date anyone who smokes cigs...ever. No matter how much i love this person, i can not just let someone i love so much, kill himself slowly with that shit...i just cant do it.

I know im falling for him really fast...but if he really needs to smoke, then i have to end it because i dont know how i can deal with it. i cant even deal with my own father. I really want to be with him . I just want us to be official... i dont want to wait till December, but i know its whats best

October 24th, 2011

So today is Monday... And i just came home from James' house... it was fun, afterschool, we walked to his house but on the way, he bought food and we went to Acme and got cookies :] haha anyways after that Patricia had to leave at 5..because she said she had to find a lawyer for her mom =.= anyways so it was just me and James for an hour and he started opening up to me and having more fun...so i asked him why wasnt he like this when Patricia was here...and he said he didnt know. anyways so we started working on our hot-air balloon then afterwards he chilled and searched videos and stuff. Then i had to walk back to the school, so he was being nice and walked me back. actually we longboarded back to school. haha it was crazy. i've never skateboarded or longboarded and it was actually not bad :]

so yep. Yesterday night "Alex" spent all night till 4 am searching my blog up because he wanted to know but i wouldnt tell him... finally he says he gives up and i immediatly think he's pissed off at me, so i tell alan. Little did i know, alan sent woo my blogspot address and yea. Hopefully he doesnt get mad at the stuff i wrote..but then again, im not going to "watch wat i say" just because he might be reading it.. This BLOG IS FOR ME, MYSELF, AND I. i dont need to lie about anything because this is all my memory. anyways im gettting really sleep so im gonna start hw and study for my physics test tomorrow :'[

October 23rd, 2011

So today is Sunday and i didnt go to church today because i had to work on my physics project with James and Patricia. We made a hot air balloon but we didnt finish so we gotta go back to James' house tomorrow and tuesday.

Also I was showering and i realized something really mind fking... So i remembered "Alex" went to my school when i was a freshman and i had the biggest crush on him. He was in Paula's french class so i would alwayyyyyssss walk paula to class JUST to see him hahaha but then he moved :'[ and i forgot about him... then we met each other 2 years later and we are closer then EVER. We were strangers now we're 2 peas in a pod :]] and i love it. There is such thing as destiny :] i love jesus ! Its almost like an asian drama. I cant believe that after 2 years, God brings us back to the same place again and our lives are so different :]

So i wished homecoming was still going on because i had the most fun in my life last night. It will be a unforgettable night for me. Everything was just perfect, the lights, the music, the people, and "Alex" :]

Anyways he wants to make it official in december :3 but we'll seee !

October 22nd, 2011

So i just came home from Homecomingg ! West windsor south was so live! i had soo much fun !! i havent been this happy in sooo longg! So, Alex made me a fake ID so i could go into his homecoming ! When we first got there, it was already jumping! We had to sneak Young Soo in too and everything worked out (kinda) :] so me and "Alex" we're already having fun and we were chilling with his friends ;] it was like a sausage fest because there were 10+ of his friends and Alex was the only one who actually brought a date. All the other guys like Minjeh and Isaac danced with 6 girls.

Alex actually let me dance with all his friends and i had an amazing time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhh

anyywayss so i met a lot of amazing people today and danced withh lots of people.

Then only bad thing was chelsea was there, but other then that it was amazing because me and Alex danced RIGHT in front of her and she saw us kissed.

Anyways im so happy! Best homecoming by far !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HOMECOMING '11

October 19th,2011

Can I really be with this person if he doesnt tell me anything... if he says all these things behind my back...if he DOES all these things behind me...

I dont even know what side to believe anymore...

He'll be telling me all these sweet things that he'll do for me...then the next day, i find this...

October 17th, 2011

Ah Im so happy today!

So I finally got to see Alex's gift and surprise at school today ! I was so happy :D haha he deffinatly put a lot of effort in it. i almost feel bad that i never do anything sweet for him :[

Anyways his friend Isaac and Kevin gave him a ride there so he can decorate my locker and pimp it out ! haha im so happy because today was such a gooooddd day because I got fomally asked to homecoming '11, I didnt fall alseep in class for once, and Alex came to my tennis practice ! SO SATISFIED but then my day crasheddddd....

Andy called me and started asking about me and alex and it was so annoying and we started screaming and he hung up. I guess this is the end of us... honestly i do feel terrible for leaving him but it was never because of Alex. It was all because i couldnt deal with the sneaking off and hiding... Yes, he did take care of me for 1 year but i know i have other people who care for me too.

Anyways SO i found out yesterday that alex is 5% Italian! HOW AMAZING IS THAT?!

anyways i gotta sleep ! nighttyy

October 15th, 2011

Today started off amazing then it went downhill...then it was good again ...then it just sucks now...

Good part:

I went to Barn's and Noble and I got to work on my physics project with Patricia and James! While "Alex" went back to my school to edit his "plan"

Bad Part:

James got really sad after Alex came...and patricia talked to james and he said that he use to like me...and he might still do...

Good part:

after patricia and james left i got time with Alex

Bad part:

I just found out that Alex still smokes and he has been lying to me saying he quit...and i also found out when he went to take a walk with his friend, they were smoking....

anyways...that just pissed me off... but its w/e we're not together..hes my nobody, im his nobody so i shouldnt be upset..

something i found:

5 stages of Relationships...

I. The meet － when you meet someone you’re interested in, probably because of their outside appearances at first. Your curiosity kicks in and you want to get to know them more.

II. The talk － you guys start talking, you get to know each other better and slowly, you guys begin to develop feelings. Then you become a part of each other’s daily routine, and your day feels incomplete when you don’t talk to him/her.

III. The honey-moon stage － when your relationship gets to a point where you can’t go through the whole day without thinking about your significant other. They become the source of your happiness and you try to make time out of your day just so you guys can talk. You both begin to lose a large amount of sleep but it doesn’t seem to matter, you guys are satisfied as long as you guys are giving each other company.

IV. Relationship downhill － when you guys are constantly fighting about nothing. You feel as if he/she doesn’t care and you try to stop yourself from caring too much. You refuse to be the first to hit them up, yet you check your non-stop hoping for a text/call from them, but always ends up disappointing yourself. You wonder if they ever think of you, because all you do is think of them.

V. Strangers, again － when no effort is coming from any of you guys. You feel completely broken and eventually, both of you stop trying. And you guys end up as strangers, again. You erase them from your life, and hope for everything to get better.

October 14th, 2011

Ah so today is Friday! One more week till HOMECOMING '11! I don't know if it will be good this year... but i just want to have fun and relax ! School has been stressful... I've been staying after school to get extra help for math with my bestie Monika P. because we've been struggling... so afterwards, we went to Barns & Nobel to study but we just kept procrastinating and going off topic! Anyways. so, "Alex" called me at 4:30, asking me if i was in school or anything and i said no, im going to B&N. then he said he would meet me there. So me and Monika go to B&N thinking Alex was going to be there... but hes not...so we go eat pizza, get some starbucks and talk...so then Alex called and told me to tell monika to call him...i thought that was super suspicious but i didnt ask...then finally he came to B&N at 7:00pm after"hanging out" with Isaac... in actuality he went to my school with Isaac and did something to my locker... i think it is for homecoming... buut no one will tell me anything... meh :3

ANYWAYS I'm so pissed!! I got my phone taken away today because i was texting Duke while i was walking to lunch and Cindy (the bitchy security guard) yelled at me in front of everyone and they all stared at me in the halls.... it was so embarassing.. 2 of my teachers saw it happened and yea....but yea, Duke wanted to go to the library with me during lunch because he hit his lowest point today...He told me that Kathy (his GF) cheated on him 2 months ago when he was on summer vacation... and he was so heartbroken today.. I've never seen him so upset in my life .. anyways yea this has been the worst week ever...

So right now its 12am..and i should go to sleep cuz i need to do my physics project with Patrica and James tomorrow morning then probably go shopping with monika and Patrica.