December 1st, 2011

So right now im procrasinating like crazy.... i just thinking of the stuff i want for Christmas this year...hmm

1. Macbook air

2. DSLR camera !

3. Uggs

4. Audi TT

5. BMW 335i in white

6. lots of clothes/ gift cards

-Ulta

-Abercr0mbie

-Forever 21

-Classic

-Charlotte Russe

-H&M

-Hollister

-Urban Outfitters

-Sephora !

-Victoria Secrets

-Pacific Sun

7. Clothes

8. itouch

November 24th, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving...

Me and alex are still fighting....like usual. I dont think i want to do this anymore.... deep down inside, both of us try really hard.. but we always fall.. I never wanted to be in a relationship after andy... till alex changed my world... now i dont know if i want to do this anymore... we're just not having a healthy relationship. I dont want to be in a relationship like Duke and Kathy's where they fight almost every week..but thats the kind of relationship im in right now.

I dont have much time left... i gotta get better soon...my my sickness is taking over my life...

After a day without talking to Alex...we met up at b&n

we didnt talk. at least, i didnt want to. i was still pretty upset about the whole situation.... if he had a clear conscious, he wouldnt have talked about smoking... why did he bring it up?

Afterwards, he left and went home with this girl name Grace.

She gave him a ride home ....

I thought that was a total douchebag move. No boyfriend would EVER do that...

so then he texted me "be that way"

At that moment i was done with him. i didnt want to be with him anymore...but at the same time, i love him so i gave in...

why? because Alex still doesnt know the type of person i am. he knows nothing about my personality and he doesnt know how to deal with it. He doesnt understand that im a stubborn person and i HATE giving in.

so i said "im sorry" ...which killed me inside. i wanted to shoot myself at that very moment.

Then he said "no"

Like, wat the fuck? thats ALL you ever say. Im so sick and tired of listening to you say "No" to me alll the time. Maybe its not intentional but everytime you ask me something, you're always making the decision for me... You always ask me a question, but you never let me answer.

"No, im going to fatten you up"

"No, we're going to the movies"

"No, we're watching A movie"

anyways, i texted him back "fine"

then he goes, "ha i see how it is, you give up so easily"

...Well obviously... i dont have TIME to play with your childish games. man up. please...

then he said "why are you Pissed? didnt i say sorry? do i gotta give A rose to you everytime i make a mistake? since i did things to me you feel better before, if i just aplogize it doesnt satisfy you? is that what it is? why the hell are you still mad at me? please englighten me? you cant even tell me in person"

....oK FIRST OF ALL.. you are putting words in my mouth, no one told you to buy me a cookie, no one said you had to get me a rose. no one told you to do anything. just cheer me up.

ALL you did, was sit there and stare at me, and when i looked, you laughed. You cant even take me seriously.

AND you're always so demanding and some times you can be so cocky...

maybe this is the angry side of me talking. but i hate how you can be so overly confident sometimes....

anyways. this is just making me more upset..i dont want to finish ..

Guess you're like every other guy. I thought you said you were different.

So from now on, i give up. you win. i'll listen to you. i'll believe you. i'll do whatever you say.

cuz right now, i cant fight anymore...i dont have much time left here.

November 22nd, 2011

I just want my life back again. Feels like im being controlled by this evil thing inside me.. and i hate it.. I wanna be happy again but its so fucking hard nowadays... I thought i was living in a fairy tale... now its like a terrible nightmare.

I'm gonna regret blogging this cuz i know im gonna get bitched at for writing my feelings because everything is gonna bite my ass later.

November 21st, 2011

Arg..i dont feel like blogging on here anymore cuz i feel so violated. I feel like i cant say anything on my blog anymorebecause i'm being watched...

But I wanna remember as much of my life as possible before God removes me from Earth.

So today is Monday and i woke up reallly late this morning because my body was so tired and i couldnt move.... i had a bad headach and i just felt weak. My doctor told me not to go out or talk for 2 weeks but i've been rebeling in everywhere and im not getting any better. In fact im getting worse. I had a nose bleed today and i coughed up blood for the first time in my life..

At that moment i thought i was going to die. HAHA and i started to freak out...i didnt want to tell anyone cuz i

dont want to be treated differently. I wanna make MY OWN decisions and I wanna live MY LIFE. i dont want anyone else living my life or making my decisions FOR ME.

anyways i just found some pictures of the type of guy that I WANT :] so yep

November 17th,2011

Im still sick today and its not getting any better.. Its been 3 days that i've been voiceless haha not good...

Anyways... I really love Alex...but since we dont see each other as much, i feel like im getting jealous all the time when he talks to other girls.... he says he DOESNT talk to other girls...but i have a feeling he does ... and i obviously dont want to restrict him because im not that type of person.... Like i said before, i just guess im not use to it because with Andy, he NEVER talked to any girl... at ALL... but I guess i cant keep Alex hidden from the world just because he's mine....

He's always writing these sweet messages to me, and honestly, messages like those usually doesnt get to me because i say actions are stronger that words.. but i really do love the things he says to me :]

I guess this is why im so attached to him that i get jealous easily...

I never talk to any guys on facebook anymore...but im afraid that Alex doesnt know that and he talks to a lot of girls...even if its small talk ....

Amy Chenggg!! you're so STUPID ! haha i need to relax...he does so much for youu.

November 12, 2011

Dear Amy Cheng,

just in case you dont remember this special night, heres a video reminding you what happened

http://www.facebook.com/video/vi
deo.php?v=2643471166445

Anyways, so i was making a video for RJ and it was 11:04pm and suddenly i

see Isaac's car

parked outside my house. So i called him and asked if he was parked outside my house...he said "no, me and Alex we're in Wawa getting icetea" hahahah then i tell him theres a car that looks like his thats parked outside my house. he told me to go downstairs to check the car because its not his...but i told Isaac that my dad would get mad and go check the car himself. So the mysterious car drives away....

Anyways so I start talking on the phone with Alex, and i tell him that i have to shower, and he sudden says, "NO, i already missed 11:11 in the morning, i cant miss 11:11pm, i'll call youu, make sure you pick up the phone when i call!!"

anyways, so at that time, i kinda know its him and isaac in the car...so i quickly call monika and finally the car comes back and parks across the street from me. so im talking to monika, then alex calls.

So finally its 11:09pm and he calls me. he tells me to go downstairs to my parking lot.

I stick my head out my window and see him. i tell him i cant go downstairs because my parents are downstairs....

So I didnt realize monika was still on the phone, so i shove my phone in my pocket.

Then it was 11:10pm so i said fuck it, i'll go...

So i go downstairs, pretend to ask my mom if i left my boots in her car, and go outside...

i see Alex, and run to him...

He's standing there holding a rose.

He finally says, "Amy, we've known each other for 3 months and we've been through a lot....."

then he finalllyyy asks me to be his girlfriend !!!!!

Alll this time, monika was on the phone with me (in my pocket) !

The only thing i regret about tonight is that i was so paranoid that my parents were gonna see me... but other than that, it was like a dream! it was so magical... and im so happy this happened :] he really does care about me... and i shouldnt doubt him...

SO IN CONCLUSION... Amy Cheng, if you ever start doubting Alex, please PLEASE, read this again and remember all the things he has done for you. you dont deserve this much effort, but Alex is giving it all to you. seize the moment

Love,

Amy Cheng

11/11/11

Today is 11-11-11 ...i should be excited..i should already have the ultimate wish...it should be the most memorable day of my life...why isnt it?

I remember I wanted a relationship on 11/11/11 because it'd be the greatest wish :]
Haha anyways...

I was talking to Alex and I really do like him, but how are we going to go further if I can't have faith in him...
I love him to death but is he the type of person i can be with forever?

I know its too early to be saying all these things, but I feel like we're two different people. He's more bold than me...and i dont think he realizes how insecure i am..

Maybe I WAS looking for that "feeling" and we just jumped into this too quickly.
Ah...why am i falling for him so quickly... i guess after all the sweet things he's been doing for me really DID get to me...

I remember when i put this much effort with Andy, and he never really appreciated it... i know how Alex feels. He probably feels ignored and uneven...

Long before we know ourselves, our paths are already set in stone. Some may never figure out their purpose in life, and some will. There are a lot of us who are caught up in this hell we all live in, content with being blinded by rules and judgment. We live in a world where it’s more okay to follow than to lead. In this world being a leader is trouble for the system we are all accustomed to. Being a leader in this day and age is being a threat. Not many people stood up against the system we all call life.


Dear Alex K,
I know im hard to deal with....and im sorry if i cant satisfy every part of  you...i'll try harder when we are official.. I've changed a lot because of you. mostly good, some bad..but i would do a lot for you because i care for you so much...Even though you think i treat all the guys the same, you're always special...
 I let a lot of things slide because im a suffer in silence type and i tend to bottle everything inside...

I know i might not be use to your personality, and you're not use to mine...but if you are willing to walk this journey with me, i promise there will be a giant cookie waiting for us at the end of the road. Its still early, but i hope we can grow together and get to become a part of each other's lives <3
Love Always,

Amii

November 10th, 2011

I dont understand why Alex asked Monika to the movies ... Monika asked me if i wanted to go the movies..she said she couldnt ...then He just texted me if i wanted to go to the movies with him. Is it because she couldnt go.? I dont mind him talking to my friend, but asking her to the movies with him, Isaac and this other girl...

If monika's mom wouldve said yes, would she have gone with them...?

Even monika asked him FIRST to go to princeton on sunday...

I dont know why im feeling like this...but I keep thinking they're getting too close and Alex always want to have monika around when me and him hang out.

Its not like i ask Isaac to places or always talk to him...

They've been really close..idk why im jealous tho :'[ i was never like this....or maybe, this never happened to me before.. with Andy, he would never talk to other girls...or hang around them...

I know Alex is a nice person, but he's always talking to Monika and texting/calling her...

He tells me he is going to go eat, but he talks to monika right after he finishes eating?

ah...Amy Cheng, stop being so stupid... you're not like this...just let it go, and put a smile on your face..you dont want to loose him because of your stupid jealousy and insecurity... stop being stupid !

now hes mad at me because my jealousy got to me...

November 7th, 2011

Sunday November 6th, 2011. My parents invited Alex to dinner for 8pm.

That morning:

I went to Barns and Nobel's to do my history project with Monika and Paul, so i told Alex, and he came. Paul decides to buy a scrabble game...so Alex, monika and paul play for 2& 1/2 hours while i was sitting alone doing my work... then peter came and started to talk to me but i knew Alex doesnt like peter, so i straight ignore peter while he was next to me...

Afterwards when they were all finished playing scrabble...Alex saw Peter touch my hand....and he flip the shit out of me...

so we got into a big argument because he though me and peter were flirting...which was bullshit..

anyways, he came to dinner at 8:40pm and gave a great impression to my dad

Anyways my parents wants to meet his parents...i think we're gonna meet this wedsday since we dont have school on thursday and friday :]

November 2nd, 2011

Today i was just missing Alex more than usual...and there is just so many things i want to say to him... but i dont know how to tell him....so i'll just write a letter... maybe someday i'll be brave enough to show him.

Dear Alex,

Its been 2 long months since we met. I still get a little choked up everytime we talk. I still get butterflies before we meet on the weekends. I still blush a little bit when we kiss :3 Sometimes you may not think i care for you as much as you care for me...but i do. I just dont know how to express it just yet. You are very special to me and never want us to be apart. We already went through being strangers and i never want that to happen again...

Yea, i know i can be really irritating and bitchy at times...i want to let you know that it is because i want to be with you and have you all to myself. Sometimes you say the wrong things and it gets me upset...but i know i do some things that make you upset as well... Although we're still getting to know each other, i would love to learn something new about you every single day till God separates us. You're like a book i cant put down, and no matter how many times i've read the book over and over again, it will never get old.

I love how you try to be honest with me as much as possible

I love how you are trying to stop smoking...for me...at least i hope you are. i also hope you would tell me if you arnt.

I love how you'll always have my back no matter what

I love how you are so willing to meet my parents this Sunday.

I love how you understand me

I love how we are total opposites and we still click.

I love how you like me for me...even if im bitchy and yucky

I love how much you are willing to sacrifice for me....

I love how you let me bond with your friends :] and show me off !

There are many more, but i gotta do my english essay... but these are just a few things that i love about you. I hope and pray that my dad will like you as much as i do.

I cant wait till we can proudly hold hands public :]

I love you with all my heart and i hope it never changes.

Love Always,

Amii C.

October 29th,2011

Today it started to snow and it was crazy...it wasnt beautiful snow. It was more like, "yucky" snow because it was raining so everything was all slushy.

Driving was scary. I had to go to Barns and Nobles (like always) to get Alex's laptop to do my project. I also had to give Andy back his charger.

Basically, 2 days ago, Andy asks me back for his camera that he got me for my birthday.

Now, when we broke up, i specifically asked him if he wanted it back and he said "no, its YOUR birthday gift and i will never ask for it back."

Well he did. so i gave it to him yesterday, along with his shirt that i still had. Unfortunately i forgot to bring the charger. So today, i told him to meet me up at B&N and pick it up. He looked so different...not in a bad way. I told monika this, and she said that Alex looks much better! hahah

but anyways yesterday we filmed the launching of our physics project and then we went to 6flags! it was ok..i didnt really want to go because Alex couldnt go...and because i have so much shit for school....

i did have fun with monika and vicky tho :3 i went on El Toro for the first time...it was scary :{

anyways im working on my project right now. i have to edit the video...

im so grateful i have Alex :] hes so amazing! He helped me so much today and im so thankful

anyways i cant procrastinate any longer. i gotta work !