November 24th, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving...

Me and alex are still fighting....like usual. I dont think i want to do this anymore.... deep down inside, both of us try really hard.. but we always fall.. I never wanted to be in a relationship after andy... till alex changed my world... now i dont know if i want to do this anymore... we're just not having a healthy relationship. I dont want to be in a relationship like Duke and Kathy's where they fight almost every week..but thats the kind of relationship im in right now.

I dont have much time left... i gotta get better soon...my my sickness is taking over my life...

After a day without talking to Alex...we met up at b&n

we didnt talk. at least, i didnt want to. i was still pretty upset about the whole situation.... if he had a clear conscious, he wouldnt have talked about smoking... why did he bring it up?

Afterwards, he left and went home with this girl name Grace.

She gave him a ride home ....

I thought that was a total douchebag move. No boyfriend would EVER do that...

so then he texted me "be that way"

At that moment i was done with him. i didnt want to be with him anymore...but at the same time, i love him so i gave in...

why? because Alex still doesnt know the type of person i am. he knows nothing about my personality and he doesnt know how to deal with it. He doesnt understand that im a stubborn person and i HATE giving in.

so i said "im sorry" ...which killed me inside. i wanted to shoot myself at that very moment.

Then he said "no"

Like, wat the fuck? thats ALL you ever say. Im so sick and tired of listening to you say "No" to me alll the time. Maybe its not intentional but everytime you ask me something, you're always making the decision for me... You always ask me a question, but you never let me answer.

"No, im going to fatten you up"

"No, we're going to the movies"

"No, we're watching A movie"

anyways, i texted him back "fine"

then he goes, "ha i see how it is, you give up so easily"

...Well obviously... i dont have TIME to play with your childish games. man up. please...

then he said "why are you Pissed? didnt i say sorry? do i gotta give A rose to you everytime i make a mistake? since i did things to me you feel better before, if i just aplogize it doesnt satisfy you? is that what it is? why the hell are you still mad at me? please englighten me? you cant even tell me in person"

....oK FIRST OF ALL.. you are putting words in my mouth, no one told you to buy me a cookie, no one said you had to get me a rose. no one told you to do anything. just cheer me up.

ALL you did, was sit there and stare at me, and when i looked, you laughed. You cant even take me seriously.

AND you're always so demanding and some times you can be so cocky...

maybe this is the angry side of me talking. but i hate how you can be so overly confident sometimes....

anyways. this is just making me more upset..i dont want to finish ..

Guess you're like every other guy. I thought you said you were different.

So from now on, i give up. you win. i'll listen to you. i'll believe you. i'll do whatever you say.

cuz right now, i cant fight anymore...i dont have much time left here.