Game Over haha i felt like i was drunk the whole entire relationship... well, THAT was a weird experience.

December 1st, 2011

So right now im procrasinating like crazy.... i just thinking of the stuff i want for Christmas this year...hmm

1. Macbook air

2. DSLR camera !

3. Uggs

4. Audi TT

5. BMW 335i in white

6. lots of clothes/ gift cards

-Ulta

-Abercr0mbie

-Forever 21

-Classic

-Charlotte Russe

-H&M

-Hollister

-Urban Outfitters

-Sephora !

-Victoria Secrets

-Pacific Sun

7. Clothes

8. itouch

November 24th, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving...

Me and alex are still fighting....like usual. I dont think i want to do this anymore.... deep down inside, both of us try really hard.. but we always fall.. I never wanted to be in a relationship after andy... till alex changed my world... now i dont know if i want to do this anymore... we're just not having a healthy relationship. I dont want to be in a relationship like Duke and Kathy's where they fight almost every week..but thats the kind of relationship im in right now.

I dont have much time left... i gotta get better soon...my my sickness is taking over my life...

After a day without talking to Alex...we met up at b&n

we didnt talk. at least, i didnt want to. i was still pretty upset about the whole situation.... if he had a clear conscious, he wouldnt have talked about smoking... why did he bring it up?

Afterwards, he left and went home with this girl name Grace.

She gave him a ride home ....

I thought that was a total douchebag move. No boyfriend would EVER do that...

so then he texted me "be that way"

At that moment i was done with him. i didnt want to be with him anymore...but at the same time, i love him so i gave in...

why? because Alex still doesnt know the type of person i am. he knows nothing about my personality and he doesnt know how to deal with it. He doesnt understand that im a stubborn person and i HATE giving in.

so i said "im sorry" ...which killed me inside. i wanted to shoot myself at that very moment.

Then he said "no"

Like, wat the fuck? thats ALL you ever say. Im so sick and tired of listening to you say "No" to me alll the time. Maybe its not intentional but everytime you ask me something, you're always making the decision for me... You always ask me a question, but you never let me answer.

"No, im going to fatten you up"

"No, we're going to the movies"

"No, we're watching A movie"

anyways, i texted him back "fine"

then he goes, "ha i see how it is, you give up so easily"

...Well obviously... i dont have TIME to play with your childish games. man up. please...

then he said "why are you Pissed? didnt i say sorry? do i gotta give A rose to you everytime i make a mistake? since i did things to me you feel better before, if i just aplogize it doesnt satisfy you? is that what it is? why the hell are you still mad at me? please englighten me? you cant even tell me in person"

....oK FIRST OF ALL.. you are putting words in my mouth, no one told you to buy me a cookie, no one said you had to get me a rose. no one told you to do anything. just cheer me up.

ALL you did, was sit there and stare at me, and when i looked, you laughed. You cant even take me seriously.

AND you're always so demanding and some times you can be so cocky...

maybe this is the angry side of me talking. but i hate how you can be so overly confident sometimes....

anyways. this is just making me more upset..i dont want to finish ..

Guess you're like every other guy. I thought you said you were different.

So from now on, i give up. you win. i'll listen to you. i'll believe you. i'll do whatever you say.

cuz right now, i cant fight anymore...i dont have much time left here.

November 22nd, 2011

I just want my life back again. Feels like im being controlled by this evil thing inside me.. and i hate it.. I wanna be happy again but its so fucking hard nowadays... I thought i was living in a fairy tale... now its like a terrible nightmare.

I'm gonna regret blogging this cuz i know im gonna get bitched at for writing my feelings because everything is gonna bite my ass later.

November 21st, 2011

Arg..i dont feel like blogging on here anymore cuz i feel so violated. I feel like i cant say anything on my blog anymorebecause i'm being watched...

But I wanna remember as much of my life as possible before God removes me from Earth.

So today is Monday and i woke up reallly late this morning because my body was so tired and i couldnt move.... i had a bad headach and i just felt weak. My doctor told me not to go out or talk for 2 weeks but i've been rebeling in everywhere and im not getting any better. In fact im getting worse. I had a nose bleed today and i coughed up blood for the first time in my life..

At that moment i thought i was going to die. HAHA and i started to freak out...i didnt want to tell anyone cuz i

dont want to be treated differently. I wanna make MY OWN decisions and I wanna live MY LIFE. i dont want anyone else living my life or making my decisions FOR ME.

anyways i just found some pictures of the type of guy that I WANT :] so yep

November 17th,2011

Im still sick today and its not getting any better.. Its been 3 days that i've been voiceless haha not good...

Anyways... I really love Alex...but since we dont see each other as much, i feel like im getting jealous all the time when he talks to other girls.... he says he DOESNT talk to other girls...but i have a feeling he does ... and i obviously dont want to restrict him because im not that type of person.... Like i said before, i just guess im not use to it because with Andy, he NEVER talked to any girl... at ALL... but I guess i cant keep Alex hidden from the world just because he's mine....

He's always writing these sweet messages to me, and honestly, messages like those usually doesnt get to me because i say actions are stronger that words.. but i really do love the things he says to me :]

I guess this is why im so attached to him that i get jealous easily...

I never talk to any guys on facebook anymore...but im afraid that Alex doesnt know that and he talks to a lot of girls...even if its small talk ....

Amy Chenggg!! you're so STUPID ! haha i need to relax...he does so much for youu.

November 12, 2011

Dear Amy Cheng,

just in case you dont remember this special night, heres a video reminding you what happened

http://www.facebook.com/video/vi
deo.php?v=2643471166445

Anyways, so i was making a video for RJ and it was 11:04pm and suddenly i

see Isaac's car

parked outside my house. So i called him and asked if he was parked outside my house...he said "no, me and Alex we're in Wawa getting icetea" hahahah then i tell him theres a car that looks like his thats parked outside my house. he told me to go downstairs to check the car because its not his...but i told Isaac that my dad would get mad and go check the car himself. So the mysterious car drives away....

Anyways so I start talking on the phone with Alex, and i tell him that i have to shower, and he sudden says, "NO, i already missed 11:11 in the morning, i cant miss 11:11pm, i'll call youu, make sure you pick up the phone when i call!!"

anyways, so at that time, i kinda know its him and isaac in the car...so i quickly call monika and finally the car comes back and parks across the street from me. so im talking to monika, then alex calls.

So finally its 11:09pm and he calls me. he tells me to go downstairs to my parking lot.

I stick my head out my window and see him. i tell him i cant go downstairs because my parents are downstairs....

So I didnt realize monika was still on the phone, so i shove my phone in my pocket.

Then it was 11:10pm so i said fuck it, i'll go...

So i go downstairs, pretend to ask my mom if i left my boots in her car, and go outside...

i see Alex, and run to him...

He's standing there holding a rose.

He finally says, "Amy, we've known each other for 3 months and we've been through a lot....."

then he finalllyyy asks me to be his girlfriend !!!!!

Alll this time, monika was on the phone with me (in my pocket) !

The only thing i regret about tonight is that i was so paranoid that my parents were gonna see me... but other than that, it was like a dream! it was so magical... and im so happy this happened :] he really does care about me... and i shouldnt doubt him...

SO IN CONCLUSION... Amy Cheng, if you ever start doubting Alex, please PLEASE, read this again and remember all the things he has done for you. you dont deserve this much effort, but Alex is giving it all to you. seize the moment

Love,

Amy Cheng